21 THINGS: 2019 EDITION

Dear Diary,

We are now about to be three months into 2019 and I stumbled upon this list called, "Things We Should Stop Doing in 2017" written by spiritual leader, Carlyle F. Stewart III. Although this list was created two years ago, it is still very much relevant to this new year of 2019. If you feel like 2019 has not started off the way you had planned or that it's still December 2018, here is a guide that may help you transition into someone new.

Here we go!

1) Stop spending time with the wrong people ...

(Proverbs 1: 8-9, Proverbs 17—New Living Translation)

When things aren't going well you may feel the need to be around people. During these times it may be easy to fall into the company of bad influence. Or maybe things seem to be going well, but certain behaviors are still present in your life and are expressed heavily when hanging around certain people. When I say bad influences I mean people who cater more to our wild side and/or bring out our bad side more than pushing us towards our purpose and goals. We must understand that growth is not only about ourselves, but also who we surround ourselves with. So, how do we know if the people currently in our lives are right for us? Ask yourself this simple question that I learned from Paster Michael Todd:

"Does this person help me grow for the better and how?"

Once you ask yourself that question it should help you decide who in your life are useful and who are useless.

2) Stop running from your problems

(Genesis 27: 41)

Running from our problems is only and will always be a TEMPORARY fix. It is impossible to fix an issue without facing it; and in doing so, coming to terms with reality so you can adjust and move forward. I've had to learn this the hard way. To put this as an analogy:

There's a fire. The fire represents the bad memories and experiences that have influenced us negatively. We have the choice to run away and "leave things behind" or to face the fire and put it out. Of course, the easier option is to run; but in doing so, we forget to acknowledge that this flame is apart of us. As we run, there is a trail of gas fluid right on our tails. When things are going well, we tell ourselves that the flame isn't there anymore (this ties into rule #3). However, when life begins to look dull, that is when we feel the uncomfortable heat from the flames. Every time we look back at the flame, it triggers us. The trigger is when we decide stay in the heat for a bit. It can be in the form of crying hysterically, being stuck in our thoughts, having deep conversations with ourselves or a combination of all three—a mental breakdown. All of these options of course will involve a small release of emotional pain. Which brings us back to our original choices: to run or not to run, that is the question. Now if we continue to run, it will be a continuous cycle of temporary peace and breakdowns. But if we choose to confront the problem and come to terms with how things are, we kill the fire; and instead of dwelling on the negatives come up with solutions and how to move forward.

3) Stop lying to yourself

(Ephesians 4: 25, II Kings 8: 13)

Honesty will always be the best policy. Like I mentioned before, if we are able to confront our problems it enable us to open the door for adjustment, change, and growth; and thus moving ourselves forward in life.

4) Stop trying to be someone you are not

(Matthew 23: 1-12)

Everyone is beautifully and wonderfully made. We all have something that makes us unique and different from each other. Instead of using your flaws as an excuse to be like somebody else, focus on your positive traits and list things that contribute to your best self. I will also add that pretending to be someone else only pushes you further from your individual purpose in life.

5) Stop trying to go back to the past

(Exodus 14: 5-14, Hebrews 10:35)

Let go and let God. Always.

We forget that the past is called the past for a reason. Memories, both bad and good, should stay in the past. Living in the past only leads to stagnancy. This is because trying to turn past memories into present experiences will cause you to "live in the past" and be stuck in it. I mention good memories as well because at times we use good memories as an excuse to stay with a bad person. Only use the past as a guide to help you progress, not to stay stuck in old ways.

6) Stop being scared to make a mistake

(Matthew 7: 3-5, Romans 3: 23)

Fear is our biggest setback.

❝Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice.❞ ― Will Smith

7) Stop berating yourself for your mistakes

(Philippians 4: 3, Romans 3: 23)

We're all human and none of us are perfect. Therefore we are bound to make mistakes. Mistakes are common so we should not focus on the downfalls, but instead use it as a learning experience. Once you learn, you can then come up with solutions if need be.

8) Stop trying to buy happiness

(Matthew 19: 16-30, Luke 16: 13-15)

Money only buys temporary happiness. Money will bring you stability and possibly comfort, but you will still be miserable within. Fortunately, the things that really make us happy are free―love, laughter, and working on our passions.

❝Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.❞ ― Democritus

9) Stop exclusively looking to others for your happiness

(I Samual 1: 6)

No expectations.

No disappointments.

If you look onto other people and expect them to be your source of happiness, I'm sorry to tell you that you will be in for a rude awakening. You can't depend on another human for something that should really come from within. Plus, when you engage in that behavior you are only draining the other person; and in doing so, your insecurities will eventually be projected to you through them. God is the only person that doesn't disappoint when it comes to our needs. He can give you happiness and the tools to be happy from within. The only things in our lives that should have set expectations are jobs and anything career-related. Also note:

❝If you are not happy with who you are on the inside, you will not be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before sharing it with anyone else.❞

10) Stop thinking you are not capable or ready

(Hebrews 10: 35-39, II Timothy 2: 1-26)

Build up your self confidence and your God confidence.

Having self talks of confidence boosting can be helpful. Remember that there is nothing you cannot do, especially with God on your side. Even just as an individual, simply taking a deep breath and telling yourself "I can do this" goes a long way.

11) Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons

(II Samuel 11-12)

Must I reiterate?

It's always better to be single than to be in a relationship that doesn't make sense. Relationships should not be rushed either. If it's for you, it will feel right and there will be no sense of doubt inside. However, before a relationship, you need to learn to love yourself before loving someone else. God's golden rule, "Treat others as you would want to be treated"/"Love others as you love yourself", is very important in relationships. This is why we need to learn to love ourselves to the fullest, so we can show and share that love with those around us.

12) Stop rejecting new relationships because the old ones did not work

Tying in with rule number 5 and 15, when it comes to old relationships you have to be able to let the baggage of the previous one go and build yourself back up before going into another one. It's not fair to the other person if you treat them differently because of past relationships. Personally, I used to be really bad with this, but I've progressed once started releasing things. Learn from the past and use that as a guideline for the next relationship. Be cautious, but still have fun.

13) Stop being jealous of others

(Genesis 4: 4, Genesis 27: 41, Genesis 29: 1-35, I Samuel 21, Acts 5: 17)

Jealousy is when one is too focused on the accomplishments instead of counting their own. I believe that it's healthier to take pride in our own accomplishments no matter how little or big they are. Doing that allows us to look at other people's accomplishments without being envious; but instead, being happy that they are accomplishing something as we are in our lives.

14) Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself

(Philippians 2: 14, Matthew 20: 11, Exodus 15: 24)

Life's curveballs are thrown for a reason―to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You'll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

15) Stop holding grudges ...

(Genesis 27: 41, Genesis 31: 36, Genesis 50: 15, Esther 3: 5, Esther 5: 9)

Holding grudges does nothing but hold us back from growth. Instead of using that energy to be upset about someone and/or some situation, I'm learning to use that energy towards something more beneficial―like my happiness (and my sanity 😌). I've learned that when people behave nastily towards me, to not take it personal. People who behave in that manner only do so because they are unhappy with themselves. That and they believe that the those surrounding them should hurt as they do.

16) Stop letting others bring you down to their level

(I Kings 16: 28 - 22:40)

Never lower your standards for those who refuse to raise theirs. With my fair experiences in arguing, I've learned that it's best to be mature and grateful that I'm not bitter like my aggressors. Instead of projecting negativity back to them, I try to keep my composure and remain unbothered while still stating the facts. When we stoop down to somebody's level, we only undo all the progress that was achieved to rise higher.

17) Stop proving yourself to others

Especially to those that will never approve of you.

There is absolutely no need to prove ourselves to anyone. We are who we are and we are perfect the way we are. As long as we continue to work on ourselves and are happy with the way things are then we are fine. Those who are your friends already know and love you for who you are. Your enemies only believe the negative and will never believe that you are good enough. Continue being yourself and what is for you will be for you. Who is for you will be for you.

18) Stop always trying to make things perfect

(Matthew 19: 21)

Personally, as a perfectionist, this would be hard for me but anything is possible, right? 😂 We have to remember that, "the world does not congratulate perfectionist, it rewards those who get things done." It's healthier to focus on progression rather than perfection. I've been told that learning to appreciate how far you've come instead of worrying about how much left needs to be done is the way to work on perfectionist behaviors.

❝Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.❞ ― Anne Lamott

19) Stop following the path of the least resistance

(Joshua 7: 1-26, Joshua 22: 20)

Good things take time. Having an end-goal, purpose, or task also means committing to the work it would take to achieve it. Shortcuts are for quick results, doing the work and being thorough leads to long lasting results.

20) Stop always thinking the worst before you think the best of others

(I Kings 22: 1-28)

Avoid Horns and Halo approaches to people. We put horns on people we do not like and never see the good they do. We put halos on the people we like and never see the wrong they do. Both are errors in fleshly judgement and do more harm and create more injustices in the long run.

Anyone who comes into our lives should be treated as if we never met them before. This is obvious, but this mainly applies to people we have already heard about, whether in a negative or positive tone. We tend to misjudge people from the "he said/she said" but honestly, that's not how ou get to know somebody. Again, treat others as we want to be treated and with no judgment. It is once they show us their true colors that we proceed to give them the energy that best suits their true selves.

21) Stop holding back on God and the church when you don't like something or someone in the church

Acts 5: 1-16)

I'm not sure what to say for this one. Only because I am still struggling to find a stable church that I can attend and feel whole in. However, I will say that we should stop confusing the purpose of church with how people run the church. Remember that the church is still only run by mere human beings, so it will not always be as wholesome as it should be. With that being said, we shouldn't let actions of people in the church disrupt our own connection with the church and with God.

Hopefully you've taken a thing or two from this list because I know I have. Personally, I still need to work on a few of these and that it's going to some take time, but that is okay. I believe it will be a great guideline for the rest of 2019 and beyond. Enjoy the last couple of days of March and may April be good to us.

With love,

BG

xxx